If you see a white woman and you are trying to figure out if she liked or just merely tolerated by white people, the best thing you can do is to get a quick look at her haircut. It is a known fact that white people love women who wear their hair with bangs that hang straight down.
A number of very popular white women have worn this hairstyle including Joni Mitchell, Jane Birkin, Jenny Lewis and every girl ever photographed by Vice Magazine or the Cobrasnake. (Note: it is a good idea to familiarize yourself with these two things as they are both beloved by cool white people. Follow up note: these same things are hated by cooler white people).
Many people associate this type of haircut with children and people looking for the most efficient way to get hair out of their eyes. But for white people, this simple haircut makes a bold declaration by saying that the wearer is artistic, deep, and has probably dated a guy in a band that you like. Of course, as with many things loved by white people, simple often means expensive and these haircuts usually cost upwards of $100.
It is essential that you know that this haircut is more than a mere fashion statement, it is an important cultural marking. Throughout the world, many cultures feature ceremonies to announce that a girl has become a woman. For white people, the haircut-with-bangs is an important symbol that a female has completed her transformation from a nerdy girl to a cool woman. In fact, if you went to high school with a nerdy white girl who moved to a big city, there is a good chance she will show up to your high school reunion with one of these haircuts.
When you are introduced to a group of white people, it’s a good idea to befriend the girl with the bangs. She’s probably the most popular.
6 comments:
I don't know what was more amusing - the content of the source posts, or the people who left comments deriding it as "racist". And speaking of ethnically awkward situations, recall this enjoyable line from "Fool's Rush In":
Isabel Fuentes: Alex, this is Chuy.
Alex Whitman: Chuy, hi. I'm Luke Skywalker.
(crickets chirping in background)
Pah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
love that website! wait, i was kind of thinking about cutting some bangs just the other day and shortening the bob. i think i'll give it some more thought (:
there's some funny stuff on this blog of yours, namely all things Dick Van Dyke. And I was just watching Hayley Mills Parent Trap the other night and Mark couldn't pull me away from it. So glad someone openly admits they love it too.
Crap, that means I am a loser because I am only half white and when I cut my bangs, the curlies underneath would not let the bangs hang down so it looked like I had sweaty tendrils all the time. ewww gross! I really am the nerd.
I'll never be popular! If my hair had bangs they'd curl right up to my hairline. Sad. Love the blog! How are you guys??
this post is hiliarious. I can't be cool or liked by white people. I have a cowlick in the front of my head and my hair will never fall right on my forehead. Poor me, always felt like an outcast!
*your such a creative writer
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